What to do with birthdays?

June 30, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

It was so easy when the children were small. I just planned a birthday, with a cake, visitors, decorations and the whole lot, and whatever happened that day, the child was happy.

When they were a bit older, they had wishes, ideas and dreams. A princes's birthday, no visitors, but cake at a railwaystation, a day in the swimmingpool with icecream, and fries at the skatinghall.
We've went through it all. The privilege of a large family.

In puberty some of them disappeared. Wanted to go to the movies with their friends, wanted to go shopping, and some of them enjoyed a day at the beach, with me, and I felt grateful to be included in their special day.

Gradually friend's birthdays with visitors, sitting together on the couch, singing with cake and candles, and talking with the family changed. They dreaded their thirtieth birthday, tried to ignore the fortieth, and despaired at the fiftieth.
In a way sometimes it was a relief, depending on the social behaviour of their friends and family and on their wishes for presents. My creativity to find the right birthday present disappeared with age (and lack of money), and I refused to give bottles, candles or giftcards.

I decided I would go with the flow.
So I developed the strategy to sneak in a question about the upcoming birthday somewhere in the conversation or in a mail, offering the opportunity to ignore the question or jump on it and invite me for whatever might happen. I want to honor the wishes of the person in question, whether he or she might feel old, doesn't want to be remembered another year has gone by, or wants to celebrate life with all who want to be involved.

The result is that I often feel lost at birthdays.

I know what I want myself: a surprise party at a restaurant near a lake or the sea, with lots of old and new friends, my first cardiologist, piles of small presents, candles and cake I'm allowed to eat. I don't mind if it's on my real birthday, or on the day my life could have ended, but went on: june 4th.
I've always wanted a surprise party, but it never happened.

But the birthday of friends?
It's about how they feel, and not about my need to congratulate them.
But on the other side:.....

.......Happy birthday, Hans!



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The re-examination

June 29, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

The government has decided that more people with special needs should get a job.

So today my classic autistic son needed to be re-examined.
The meeting was a combination of the present need for re-examination and a regular re-examination because his evaluation isn't right.

A few years ago I went with him for his first evaluation. We were accompanied by a very handsome and friendly woman of a care-organisation.
We expected he would be considered to be unable to work.
But the doctor who evaluated his case didn't look into the files, didn't read the paperwork, but was delighted by us women, and he started flirting with us.
I could understand he was infatuated by the woman from the care-organisation. But I was a busy mom of 6, not looking very well. Still he flirted with me too.
We received his written letter stating my son was very able to work.

I was furious!
Filed a complained against that so called doctor, and told the woman who was assigned to his case that he wasn't able to work at all, but I didn't want to have another ridiculous examination by a doctor who couldn't find a proper job at a hospital or private practice.
We had a couple of talks, my son tried some daycare, and at last she wrote the conclusion that he wasn't able to work.
When he moved to another city she wrote a good report, the new case manager was pleasantly surprised by it and within 20 minutes of trying to talk with my son told me he agreed with the woman.

But when we got yet another case manager the whole problem started again.
She phoned me and the result was that she proposed a re-examination so his case could be closed.

The doctor was not really friendly, but he was correct.
He had a tick and especially when my son looked at him it intensified. I felt pity for the guy.
He started with a long story, the standard story for the present governmental re-examination, so I had to tell him my son needed a complete review, and why.
Then he started questions, got caught in the daily routine of my son and was amazed by what he heard. But on the other hand: the guy knew more about autism than the docs I've seen the past 10 years, so he was able to ask the proper questions, he got the answers, and soon he came to the obvious conclusion. I saw it in his eyes.
He asked some more.
And then told my son he was aware he was stressed, but that he needn't be stressed. he would keep his benefits ad he was convinced my son was not able to wok at all. he adviced my son to concentrate on tidying his room (which he can't) and gave us a friendly goodbye.

What a relief!!

While I went home I worried about the son of my friend.
Her son is also autistic and he had a re-examination too, but at a different office in another city.
Soon after I arrived home I heard he was told he was not fit to work either.

So good to close all these years of stress.

I know other stress will start next year, when their benefits will be just 70% of minimum wages.
Almost all these young people are in debt, because they lack the 30% income for a normal life in poverty. But the letters they received where full of threats, telling them that if they didn't work they would loose their benefits. It got so bad that I brought it under the attention of the minister and an official letter of the government was send to all the offices telling to stop the threats.
But the constant reminder that you're not good enough for society gives a low self-esteem and makes one feel a failure.
Tht stops now.
They'll get their bit of money to live and that's it.
No nagging social workers anymore.

Phew.

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Changing, changing, oh and changing.

June 26, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

I was trying to get things arranged for a whole list of meetings this week. Some days had two meetings at different places, an as I don't have a driver's license, I have to rely on the boys to drive me around.

I'm OK with meetings, even though I tend to get bored after an hour or so, unless I'm the chairman or I can participate enough to keep my brains busy. :)
But running from one to another... no please.

So I was trying to get things sorted, so none of the boys would feel used, and I could be certain to get in time where I needed to be.
Then the mail came in.
Meeting cancelled because of this, meeting cancelled because of that. A meeting that was cancelled before was scheduled anyway..... and a few hours later cancelled again.
I felt like a secretary at a busy office.
Phone calls, mails.

I had to sit down and schedule my whole week again... to find out all new meetings were rescheduled to next month or later, and only one meeting was left.

It kept me busy all day!!

What a waste of time and energy.

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36. Learn to play the Bodhran

June 25, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

The bodhran is an Irish frame drum. The size varies from smaller than a normal drum to larger, that is 25 cm to 65 cm in diameter.
The side or rim is small, and at one side a goatskin is fixed in such a way that the drum can be tuned.
The other side is open. Some have a rope grip, like on the photo, others have a wooden cross or nothing at all.

It is played with a tipper/cipin, but those who don't know how to use a tipper, use a soft headed drum stick. The use of the cipin requires quite some practice as the movement is very tiring, and as the bodhran is used as a rhythm instrument one needs to keep a regular rhythm.

Buying a bodhran should be done with experience and knowledge, otherwise one ends up with a decoration item, instead of a good instrument that can be used in different ways.

A friend of mine played in an Irish band and she had a bodhran. I had the opportunity to practice a bit and I enjoyed it very much.
Especially I could sing while playing, and it was possible to play with different cipins, resulting in different sounds, and playing with bare hands.

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More surprise-bills

June 24, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

My income is so low that I can't do anything extra. That's why I'm looking for a job at the age of 61, knowing that not even 3% of my age can get a job.

When I got the small income I cancelled a lot of things: memberships, magazines, the local paper, educational stuff, etc etc.

I didn't know the father of the children still had a library membership. But I know now: with a bill of 60 euro.

None uses it.
So I wrote the library a mail, explaining the situation, and they told me not to pay the bill, and they cancelled the membership.

The same day I got a bill for about the same amount from the workers union.
This gave me a huge shock.
I cancelled them in January, the woman stopped it back in time in December, and the bill is for January, February and March. Clearly two different departments not knowing from each other what they are doing.
They too got a mail, but they haven't been back to me.

I hope they have saved their own mails, so they can see themselves it was stopped completely.

I hate those surprise bills. They upset me, make me feel very stressed and they cost a lot of time too.

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35. I want a job at the dance academy

June 24, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

The past years it's regularly been a topic of discussion: teaching at the ballet academy.

So many lines of my life converge there, over so many years, and I've come up with so many ideas for improvement and changes...

In the past I've had the opportunity to realize some of them, working together with the boss of the academy. And it was fun to see they were still used when I entered the building with one of my other children.

During the years I've learned a lot, done a lot, and I think I'm ready to work there.

There are a few aspects missing in dance education.
They have to do with inspiration, understanding the public and ethics.

I also think there needs to be some new blood in the hall.
Too much routine is not good in such a creative environment. And there are so many teachers that are very experienced and good, but who can offer the students more. I'm sure that with the right discussions and ideas they will even be better.

Other subjects that have grown on me the past years have been dance as a way of cardiac revalidation, and dance for the elderly.
I started dance for the older age group in my country (I was the first in my country to teach them.), and it will be interesting to research the subject with dance academy students, meaning that research won't be a small subject on the side table, but a main subject at the academy.
With my experience in teaching research at the university, my knowledge of dance and my personal experience with an aging body, It would be a beautiful end of my working and dancing life.

It's such a pity that many only look at age, not at enthusiasm and motivational qualities.
I know I'll fit in, both with the team and the students.

So yes... this is something for my bucketlist.
This is something that is a part of me... a precious part, that I want to share, and I hope someone will take this serious enough to make it work, to give me this job.

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And we saw daughter 2, finally.

June 23, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

After a hectic day we dressed up and went to the ballet performances. Far too early, because we expected problems on the road.

Celine Dion was about to give a concert that evening in a huge venue, and we had to drive on the road leading to the venue to reach the bridge near the academy.

We thought traffic would come to a standstill, but it didn't. We had some slow traffic with people changing lanes without signalling it, but it was at the place where they were guiding all cars for the concert to the right, away from the main traffic.
Very clever.

They even had signalposts saying that the parking place near the bridge was full, and there were lots of guards and police, so people even didn't dare to go there, so there were no lines at all.
We arrived at the academy and had a parking spot straight in front of the entrance.
It's always a terrible affair to find a parking space there,, so we were lucky.

We had time to talk with one of the girls and joke in the restaurant where we wanted to buy something to eat, but it was closed.
The guy had us pay by pin for our drinks, then went to the other side of the restaurant to fetch a coin of 50 cents so I could get coffee from the machine. I had the money in my purse!!
We had a good laugh, joked some more, got the coffee and went outside to sit in the sun.

When the performance started I took my camera. Last time we were told there was an official photographer and we were not allowed to take photos or film, but we saw no one. And some of the dancers know I take photos and wont publish them without their permission, but they will get them themselves, and some parents know me, so I got some smiles, a few grateful looks, and started what I do best at a moment like that. And because I'd seen that part of the performance just two days before I could take the best moments.


The same happened when they danced in the break.

I walked around like I belonged there, as I didn't see any photographer at all, and took some memories for them all.

It was fun.

Ofcourse there were photographers. Two. In the back of the theater. So all the photos will be from high up.
Such a pity.

Earlier this week we sat in the front at the left, now we sat in the middle front, and the whole performance seemed to be different. And even more interesting.

And ofcourse we saw the performance of our daughter.
I didn't like all the parts, but that's not surprising, knowing who the choreographer was. But my girl did well, and that's most important.
Her choreography got the most compliments along with the choreography of an international guest choreographer.

So a very proud mom stepped outside in the warm humid evening, passing the concert of Celine Dion on her way home.


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34. Watch seals near Texel

June 23, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

Spotting seals on or near Texel can be as easy as you wish.

On Texel they care for seals in a seal hospital.
For children it's a very interesting place, as they can see how the seals are cared for, and they can even watch feeding them.

And when you're lucky you'll see them when you're on the ferry to Texel. I haven't been that lucky.

You can also go to those beaches where they visit regularly or from where you can see them on a sandbank with your binoculars. Mind the time: two hours before low tide until an hour after.

But I want to go on a special seal boat trip.
The captain knows what he does, and certainly won't come too near mothers with their young.
When a boat comes too close the mother will get afraid and will save herself. She won't care for her young and when it isn't able to follow here she won't go back. The baby will be lost without her, and will die when none of the seal hospital finds it.

There are lots of seals around Texel and Terschelling. There's lots of food, and the tide frees the sandbanks, offering them large areas for sunbathing.
Two kinds can be seen. The regular one, which is the smallest. Mature men can be up to two meters long. They can be distinguished from the other ones by their V-shaped nostrils.
The other kind is the grey seal. They have straight noses with separated nostrils. The mature men can grow up to three meters long.

Texel is a wonderful island to stay a while. During the summer all is done to give the tourists a wonderful stay.
I don't mind whenever we go there. I don't care for sunbathing, I want to walk on the beach and have a good time. Even when a storm is raging I feel fine.

So......

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Art & architecture

June 22, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

Quite some years ago my second son was a student at the dance academy.

Often people could find me there participating in activities to improve either his school and the academy.
It was a time of money and plans. and because I had some architecture courses at the university I was invited in the building commission, first of the school and soon after of the new to build academy.

I enjoyed working for the school. The architect was an old man, with lots of knowledge and a good insight in what the school needed. We had to use the old building, but we had lots of ground for extensions, an interesting landscape, as it was in a valley, and none had problems with replacing walls with huge glass panels. My courses had provided me with knowledge an insights that fitted in the team, and none had ego's to prevent changes. So the end-result was a merge of all ideas, options and a lot of suggestions.
It didn't only look good, the school was a good place to use for both students, teachers and other personnel.

Planning and building the academy was a complete different experience.
It had to be a new building, with a large part build under ground-level.
It needed to be a building one of its kind, prize-winning and not too expensive.

The former academy had a seperate theater, very nice, with a great atmosphere.

The new building needed a theater incoorporated in the building, accessible at all times without opening the rest of the building.

I worried about ventilation. Dancing is a very intensive sport and good ventilation is crucial for the performance and the health of the dancers. The buildings with multiple layers of cellars I know have no proper ventilation and with a limited budget I worried.

The team of architects had some good ideas, but the costs were too high, so we were spending part of the meetings discussing materials and adjustments, tiptoeing around vulnerable ego's, stubbornness and lack of insight.
In the meantime time passed, the ground was prepared, the bills were piling up, and nothing was approved.

There were some parts I didn't agree with.
On the photo you can see the red bench at a lower level than the walking corridor. There is nothing to prevent people from falling. Not even a colour difference. And there would be no elevator, so the building would not be accessible for people in a wheelchair. Not for theater, not for injured dancers who should be able to view the lessons. And not for people with equipment.

I also thought there should be a good size theater, not a small one, and one with movable rows of chairs that could be fixed flat to the wall. One large theater would mean a seperate entrance at the level of the theater, so no elevator would be needed. Heating in the weekend and evening would only be for that part of the building, so the exploitation would be cheaper.

The whole team started to grow apart. We wanted more colour, they wanted grey, so it would safe costs. The whole feel of enthusiasm changed into a kind of contest. And I don't like ego games.

My participation ended at my own free decision.

When the whole thing was finished I was and wasn't surprised.

At the last moment elevators were fitted in.
Instead of going with one, people who wanted to use it needed to go from one to another,, with very small turning space. The main entrance wasn't accessible for wheelchairs, due to stairs, and the other side was not accessible because of stairs in front of and behind the door!!!!

Ventilation isn't always good enough. Some rooms, even at the top levels, can't host more than a certain amount of students.

People have tripped and fallen from the main corridor.

And the theaters don't work well enough (but the ventilation there is rather OK.). And the whole school needs to be opened up to host the visitors.

I've learned a lot from being part of such different architecture teams.
To get an insight in the needs of the users and to translate them into a building that gives a happy feeling and enhances creativity is a challenge and it always should be balanced by a healthy attitude towards the funds available.

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33. I want to learn sheepfarming

June 22, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

In the past I didn't like sheep. I considered them to be a stinking lot, but the little ones were cute.

Gradually my opinion changed, and I started to get interested in what's needed to farm them.

I don't expect to be able to keep sheep unless I can realize my dream to live somewhere in the UK and some money shower hits me.
But as life never stops to suprise me, I decided to put this on my bucketlist too.
I have far too many items on it I'll never able to afford anyway.

So let's value the dream, and enjoy dreaming!

I would love to go crofting and keep some sheep.

I know there's a lot to learn, as keeping sheep is not only taking the wool and selling it. It's keeping them healthy, help them lamb, protect them, and a lot, lot more.

I've seen a farm with sheep along the road to Germany.
We went there when they offered the public a peek at their farm, but I didn't get the opportunity to talk with the farmer.
I feel a bit shy going there and asking to learn there without being able to offer them money or something else. I think that students from the agricultural school should be first to get a place there.
And I wonder if I'm able to go there, as there are no bus stops in the area.

So I've got excuses enough at the moment, but, knowing myself, they'll disappear as soon as an opportunity of a small farm lingers nearer at the horizon.

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We only saw one of them!

June 21, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

The dance academy offers lots of opportunities for students to be creative, but there isn't enough tuition about the influence of their actions on the public.

Most of the time it's about messy performances, chaos on the floor and completely not artistic issues.

This time the decision was made to have a couple of performances at the same time and the public was supposed to walk between them.
We got a very large leaflet, with lots of test, two schedules, one with a lot of text, and the message when we arrived half an hour early: it's starting within two minutes outside.

So we went outside, in the bright sun, sat on the stairs and had no time at all to read anything.
We just followed what happened, walked with the rest, and assumed that the performances in hall 2 and hall 3 had to be followed both, regardless of which one was viewed first.
There was also something in hall 4: reality check. So we assumed it was for the dancers to check things they needed to know, and in hall 5 movies were planned. Well we didn't come for movies.

We had a good time.
A good friend and one of what we call ballet-mothers of the twins joined us. Which is always a joy, because we both have the same ways of criticism,
She saw the performances of daughter 1 (who was a guestdancer, she's not studying there), saw the choreography of daughter 2, and left before the last part, because she thought she'd seen enough.

After the whole event we realized we'd missed the performance of daughter 2.

Right at that moment one of the teachers asked me for my opinion about the event.
I'm always a bit hesitant to give my honest opinion, for several reasons.
I've worked in the organisation of the academy 10 years ago, was part of the auditioning committee, and been a ballet reviewer.
One of the things I've learned is that ballet teachers there have huge ego's, expressing in extravagant clothing, pouted mouths and straight backs. None is even allowed to touch the ego, it should be slowly and softly caressed, with a nice smile. No matter when it's mean, as long as it's a smile.

I turned around, like stung by a wasp.
'I can't give my opinion, I haven''t seen it all.... I haven't seen my daughter dance!!'
If I'd wondered if her eyes could have opened under the heavy load of make-up I now got the answer:
they opened.
'Then you'll have to come back tomorrow'.
'I would, if I could afford it', was my rather straightforward answer, referring to the high cost of the evening.
'Then it's on me...' and to my daughter: 'contact me for free tickets for your mom and brother. Or do you need more tickets?'

She left on her high heels like she wanted to take off for a flight high to the roof... She'd done her good deed of the day.
She didn't even bother to say something nice about the twins dancing....



Photo made by me.
Copyrighted.

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32. The Settle-Carlisle Railway

June 21, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

Even though I was (and am) a girl, Ron wanted to show one of the Welsh most remarkable features. He told me we would go to see a viaduct, and first wanted to hear from me if I knew the meaning of a viaduct. I was 11 and knew the meaning. He smiled.
I remember his smile and the way he looked to my dad, as if they had prepared a huge surprise.

Well, he didn't prepare it himself. Lots of hard working men did that before it opened in august 1875.
I was surprised indeed: 24 arches to cover the distance of a beautiful area in such a way that human design and nature merged to enhance each other.

When I stood there with those two veterans at my side I was silent. The first thing I said when we went away was: 'I'll be back', followed by: 'and then I want to be on top of it'.

When I learned that the Settle-Carlisle Railway enables to be on top it had my attention.
Maybe I can make my promise become a reality?

With sons who love railways, and certainly love steam engines...

This railway journeys is one of the best in the world. The scenery is so outstanding.
And my memories are so special.
Two friends from the war showing the country they loved so much, showing the best it has to offer.

Maybe I can give that heritage to my children....


In case you want to know more: click here.

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Heatwave 2017

June 20, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

We're dealing with a heatwave.
And 'we' in a broad sense.  Even in England the temperatures are at a high that is seldom seen.
I believe London has its warmest day in 20 years.

Here temps are above 30 degrees Celsius.
I opened the door and it was like pushing against a wall and then someone pushing a pillow in my face.
Laundry doesn't dry in the wind, it's steamed dry.

The brambles dry before they become fruit, the red berries are already dark red and juicy and the clay is drying out and killing all new life in the ground.

The past week I've dealt with a nasty cold and it feels ridiculous to have a old with this weather.
Some people feel they need to explain to me that it's hay fever. Yea... right.
I know the difference. I'm always sniffing and using hankies, this is far worse.
Well, it'll soon be over, before the warmth has left the house.

My daughters school has made another mistake.
Advising her to take an exam, even though she was on her way to cancel it.
And now they say she can't take the exam anymore, because she took it.
Why give wrong advice?
They gave her an extension of 6 months and the only requirement was that she had to hand in a paper before January. Why give an extension when you create rules after giving it?
This school makes me feel sick.
It has been a constant battle, first for one of the boys and now for her.

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Dolf Toussaint has died.

June 19, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

Today it was announced that Dolf Toussaint has died last Tuesday at the age of 92.

Dolf was wellknown photographer who was valued and admired for the way he was able to tell his story not with words, but with photographs.
He taught me that photographs should speak for themselves and one should depict people in such a way that no extra information is needed.
So one should not only focus to get a sharp image of a person, the environment is just as important, and needs a true representation which is at the same time artistic.
Dolf was the first to make photodocumentairies. He portrayed one of the most well known neighbourhoods of Amsterdam, the Jordaan, during one of the most outspoken changes.
He loved Amsterdam and thanks to him we can see how during the sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties not only the housing changed and the overall look of the neighbourhoods, but also how the people changed.
He was also closely connected to politics. Had friends in the government, which enabled him to portray political leaders in spontaneous ways.

He stood up for better working circumstances for photographers and more opportunities.

Present photography is an expression of his influence to make people the center of the story of their environment.

Thank you Dolf for taking the time to explain things to me when I was training as a photographer and journalist. OK, you sold a photo to the magazine I worked for and you got a cuppa, but you enjoyed explaining to me that the attitude of a photographer doesn't give a visible expression on the photo, but that it makes the photo and is as much part of the process as pushing a button.

My respect will be forever with you.

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31. Go to Glastonbury

June 19, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

In the past I've enjoyed a lot of concerts and a few festivals.

A few times I've even worked at festivals, because I couldn't afford the entrance and wanted to be there.  The jobs were different: handing out leaflets, bringing VIP's to their dressing facilities, accompanying them to and from their performance and talk with them during meals to prevent people bothering them, singing in background choirs, and being the first to dance.

I'm in the lucky circumstances to live in a city where each year a lot of free open air concerts are held.

But I would love to go to England and visit the Glastonbury Festival.
I'm sure some of my friends would love to go there too.

You?

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30. Shepherding

June 18, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

Working with a sheepdog seems to be such a privilege.
Even being present at a contest in the UK would make me feel very delighted.
Dog and shepherd are such a close team. It's fascinating to see the dog react to each and every whistle and thus bringing the sheep where the shepherd wants them to be.
To be a good team, it's best when one teaches the dog from the moment he's born, preferably with a well trained older dog.
I don't think I'll have enough time and money to do so. But I've learned in life never to say never.

And even when it never happens, I've enjoyed what Country File showed.

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A bicycle again

June 17, 2017 Syl 0 Comments



Finally I've got a working bicycle.
One of my daughters doesn't need the one in the garden and she adjusted it for me.
I was so happy that I planned  visit to a friend nearby. And when I went, I forgot to take a present.

The last time I used my former bicycle I could hardly turn the wheels, because something was wrong with the thing.
Now I just went on my way, enjoying the ease of movement, and I only got tired legs when I was nearly at my friends.

We had several hours with coffee, enjoying talking, the dogs and even the demented cat.
And going home wasn't a real problem either. Just tiredness when I was nearly home.
I have to exercise a lot more.

I expected another evening of listening to lots of stories from daughter 2., but she didn't make it home after all
Strange not to have them all at home.

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Money, money, money....

June 16, 2017 Syl 0 Comments

'Money makes the world go round'  Liza Minnelli sang in Cabaret.

Yea... a lot of the world and of life turns around money.

Finally the whole problem with the health insurance is resolved and I've got all the medication I paid for. What a relief!

And then.... a blue envelope arrived.
So that's the annual result of their accounting.

I expected to get money back or nothing, but I didn't expect a bill of 193 Euro!
My son did the admin over last year, next time I'll do it myself.

I was trying to save a bit of money for a vacation of a few days with the children, as we've never been on a vacation, and I haven't had a vacation in over 30 years.
But it'll be gone.
Money makes the world go round, and brings my life back to the utter basics: a roof and food.

I feel sad I can't give my children the experience of a vacation all together.

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